Top Ten Things NOT to Say to An Injured Runner

 

may bite

Sorry it’s been a while between updates. I’m currently injured and my doctor has told me I could be out for as long as 12 weeks. As you can imagine dear bloggers, this has left me cranky to the point where I’ve just been cast as the lead in the new Godzilla reboot.

So for all the non runners out there; to avoid getting punched in the face by caged and vulnerable pavement pounders, here’s some stuff NOT to say.

10) You can still work out your arms and core!

cakeYeah I know, as a runner I should be taking care of my core anyway. I COULD spend my time off being productive and keeping the beer belly and bingo wings in check. But my tri’s have not seen any action since the great drunken arm wrestle of 2002, and I seriously DOUBT that is going to change any time soon. This comment is a favourite from other runners; we know what we should be doing with our rest. Let’s face I’m going to be spending my free time crying over my trainers whilst eating an entire cheesecake with my bare hands.

9) No running for 12 weeks, aren’t you worried you’ll get fat?

What will my man sized portions and fantastic culinary creations (I’m particularly propasta sandwichud of the ‘pasta sandwich’ ) do to my backside if I don’t run? Do I want to think about it?….no.

8)Have you been icing it/taking anti inflammatories/any other basic first aid?

Noooooooooo because I’m not a moron. Not only have I never seen a doctor, but I do not have access to the internet with VAST information on Runner’s World. I’d had never thought to put ice on my foot.

icing

7) Don’t Runners Get Injured A Lot?

No more than any other sport, and we have a lot less than the many medical issues that go with being overweight and sedentary. How’s your Diabetes?

6) Have You Thought About CrossFit?

If I’m not allowed to run why would I be able to do cross fit? And if I wanted to take it up I would have done so already.

godzilla

5) Does It Hurt?

DOUCHEBAGS. What do you think?

4) Ah, It’s fine, Suck It Up!

If I could run on it I would. If I tried then it would not heal, get worse and cause permanent damage,it always amazes me the people who try and then are surprised as hell when at 35 they have to quit the sport for good.

3) Well If You Will Run THAT Far/Often You’ve Got To Expect It

angry runner

Seriously……are you asking to be punched in the groin?

2) Why Don’t You Try Swimming Instead?

Now, the first time someone tells you this, you nod and agree that its probably a good idea. Despite the fact that its a bit monotonous and lets face it, it isn’t running, it’s cardio right? However the sixty millionth person that suggests this might not get the same face. Also people with no interest in exercise what so ever suddenly become injury experts and force you into the pool.

1) You Know What You Need, Some Manuka Honey, That’ll Sort That Fractured Ankle Right Out.

Yes and while you’re at it I’ll rub some goji berries into that broken leg. Don’t get me wrong, alternative therapies have their place, but none of them are miracle cures.

your killing me

 

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